Tag Archives: blogging

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Why does my brain have so much to tell me at One in the morning?

What is it about trying to fall asleep that instantly sends my brain into hyper-drive. My thoughts rush through my brain at a million miles a second as I come to realizations, have brilliant epiphanies, and relive memories I haven’t thought about in years.

I cam to the realization that I am a dying species. I am the last of the human race that is likely to remember what it is like to write a research paper by hand and to have done said research from an encyclopedia.

I grew up in a house that didn’t have a computer until I was in high school. Since I didn’t have much experience or desire to use the computer I wrote all of my papers by hand. It was obviously inefficient, but we didn’t have a printer and something about hand written papers just felt right.

My senior year of high school literature my teacher assigned us a 10 page paper.  I remember writing several drafts, starting over, and starting over again. I must have written 100 pages. I doubt anyone younger than me will ever know what that’s like. They will take the delete button for granted.

These thoughts quickly lead me down the rabbit whole of my consciousness…

I remember my high school computer class. I remember making power point presentations that forced us to use every feature. I remember spending hours carefully crafting a power point about a car I thought was cool – huge rims and all. Just reliving little moments like that remind me how immature I was when I was 16.

Then I think of moments of adversity. Like the effort I put into sports and making good grades. I see the moments that built character and the tough spots that in retrospect probably shaped my thinking for life. I remember being a leader on the wrestling mat, I remember going another minute when I didn’t think I could. I remember beating a guy no one thought I could.

Still can’t sleep…

What kind of man do I want to be? I read an article today that said that a 75 year Harvard research study showed that relationships were the key to happiness. Good relationships. Do I have that?

Maybe I should work harder on having better relationships. I’m going hiking with Holden tomorrow. That’s good. I need to maintain that relationship. I haven’t spoken to my Mom in almost a month. I need to do better there. I haven’t spoken to a lot of people. Maybe I should make a list of people to call or email every week – just to maintain those relationships.

I’m getting older and I don’t know what’s really important anymore. I used to be so sure. When I was in middle school starting on the football team was all that mattered. In high school it was more of the same. Good grades, good athlete, wrestling, football, college, girls…pretty straight-forward.

College was easy enough. Get a degree, get a job, drink a lot of beer. Pretend to know more than you do. Check, check, and double check.

Now here I am approaching five years into full-blown adulthood and I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t believe in any personal God to throw my problems to. I am starting to understand the importance of family, but I’m not sure I have family worth investing the energy on. I have a great wife, a few great friends, and a career.

To be honest everything is great. Great – accept – I have that unsatisfied feeling in my gut sometimes. I don’t know what it is – maybe it’s just that I always set my expectations so, so high. So high, in fact, that I’m not even sure where to go. I don’t know what’s next. Hints a guy blogging at 1 o’clock in the morning instead of sleeping.

Why I Blog

Sometimes I share extremely person things on this blog – that’s one of the advantages of anonymity. I think I do it because it’s theraputic, but I also know (and hope) that some of my little rants help others or at very least make them feel a little less isolated.

I revealed that my mom attempted suicide a few months back and received several comments of reassurance and advice. It seems like we all pitched in to help. I received this comment today that makes it all the more worth it:

My mom also swallowed a bottle of pills today. It’s not the first time, and although she has suffered from severe depression most of her life you’d never know it. She is the kindest, most caring person I know surrounded by people who love and support her, and my 5 year old son is the light if her life. All this seems to be meaningless, now lying in a hospital bed. She will recover (again) but for how long this time? How do I manage my life and my family (which is amazing)? These are impossible questions, but I found your blog by searching moms and suicide and your post and all the comments were really helpful and I wanted to say thank you.

Sometimes the answer you are looking for is on some blog no one reads out there on the internet.

New Blog Partnership

I have been blogging solo going on two years now. For most of that time not a soul on this planet knew I was writing my thoughts down on the internet, but a few months back I let my best friend and closest confidont in on the secret. Since then he has been feverishly reading all of my darkest secrets and opinions – and keeping them to himself.

Recently he approached me about forming a partnership. A blog partnership where he will contribute to my little slice of the web. I agreed.

I cannot vouch for his opinions, I cannot say for certain what he might write on this poor ole’ blog, but hopefully over time he will add some value, a bit of good conversation, and maybe even some insight. I haven’t limited him on what he can write, nor set boundaries. The only rule is the one I set for myself – “What you write has to be the truth, unfiltered.”

So please join me in welcoming my good friend Holden as the offical second author of BlogTruth.

About Holden:

Holden is a father of two, business consultant, MBA educated, man who prides himself on liberty and social progress. He votes conservative on fiscal issues and liberally on social ones. He is stuck somewhere between Christianity and Agnosticism, and doesn’t believe in ghosts.

Holden hates people that can’t take criticism without “being a pussy”, is a technology lover by heart, originally a geographer, a world traveler in progress, and best friend of Atticus.

World Travel Map and Related Blog Posts

I spent some time making a travel map and inserting links to related bog posts.  You can check out the bigger map in the link below for a more detailed look. Click a dot for related posts/photos about that part of the world.  I plan to keep this updated as a travel. The link/map will forever be embeded in the about page at the bottom.  I hope you think this is cool.

Phil Ebersole’s Blog

I read several blogs – I think in many ways it’s the best way to check the pulse of the nation – without being told what to believe by the established media. Some blogs are better than other’s, but Phil Ebersole’s blog is a real gem. His style is moderate, thoughtful, and journalistic. He always provides statistics and graphs to back up his assertions – I like that.

As a blogger – I like to spread the word about the good ones when I can. Especially those that are better than my own.

From the post “Are Democrats a top-and-bottom coalition?

What you would have is, on the one hand, a party in which the Haves advance the interests of the Have-Nots at the expense of the Have-a-Littles, and, on the other, a party in which the Haves advance the interests of the Have-a-Littles at the expense of the Have-Nots. Such a political lineup would be poisonous to American democracy. It would mean the power of the elites would never be challenged.