I don’t have a solid history with my father in law and I’ll readily admit, I don’t see very many redeeming qualities in him. I spend a lot of time complaining about him to Atticus as well, mainly because there is no one else to complain to. Luckily, he’s a good pal and tolerates it, offing up words of encouragement most the time.
Today I’m going to put this to rest. I’m going to write down my frustrations and stomp it, as some like to say. After this post, I’m done with this stressing over this mother fucker for good.
You don’t affect me….
I have a co-worker who is a pretty quiet but quirky guy. For a while now he’s been following a modified paleo diet. In his version, he still eats things like French fries and fried chicken. He’s actually a really fit guy, so there isn’t too much to criticize from that angle, but we enjoy giving him a hard time about his half assed paleo diet none the less.
One day, I was poking fun at him when a co-worker said, “Hey Jimmy, you just gonna let Holden make fun of your paleo diet like that?” He looked up from his work and nonchalantly replied, “Oh, it’s okay. He doesn’t affect me.” Then went back to work as if nothing was said at all. It struck me as amazing because I think he was 100% dead serious. He didn’t care what I had to say, I didn’t have any affect over him!
From now on, this is my new attitude towards my father in law. “Oh, it’s okay, he doesn’t affect me.”
Dear Father in Law- You are a piece of shit
You, my dear father in law, are a piece of shit. You beat your daughter- my wife for years. Covering her in bruises, speaking endless words of dis-encouragement and accusing her of sleeping around as a young teenager, even before she even knew what the term meant.
You beat her so hard as a teenager that she became truant at school and eventually dropped out, too embarrassed to show up covered in bruises and black eyed. When she proceeded to move on later and go to college, you went out of your way to keep her in your house, threatening her if she moved out.
Your screaming and filthy mouth haunted your family for years and you also spared no expense for your poor wife either, who still to this day defends your sodden name for reasons I will never be able to understand. You sir are a coward.
You are also lazy. You can’t hold a job for any amount of time and each time you lose your job, you spend days wallowing in your self-pity, not showering, not searching for a new job, not even paying your own God Damned bills!
You cursed your own father in law for years up until the day he died but never refused his money when it came time to pay the mortgage you couldn’t pay yourself and was even still taking money from your elderly mother to cover your debts up until her very recent death. Who will cover your pathetic ass next time financial disaster hits now, old man?
I know who will cover your ass. ME. Why, for your poor wife’s sake. But my gifts will come with a heavy burden, the burden that a man 30 years your junior is now supporting your pathetic ass. And I will never ask for a dime in return or say one negative word for you taking the charity I have bestowed upon you.
Your wife, daughters and grandchildren will watch you accept my charity. They will know you are insufficient even as an aging man. I know this will day will come, because it always comes back around with you. You are a revolving door of failure.
Your hands are un-calloused, your arms and back feeble, your lungs are black and your mind and spirit fragile. In old age you have become gluttonous, your gut protrudes well over your belt, concealing your small penis that even a meth hungry whore would cringe at the idea of having to place her hands upon.
You think your renewed faith in God redeems you. No sir, it shows your weakness. You command no real knowledge of faith or the scriptures and instead use it as a tool to command yet more control over your family, only this time you threaten them with eternal damnation instead of thumps from your fists.
But you see the writing on the wall now. Your daughter is now out of your reach and your wife takes you less seriously all the time. Try as you may, your influence shrinks continually and now you will no longer affect me either.
I will own you by living a better life than you. Commanding the respect of your wife, daughters and grandchildren that you have and never will be able to command. I will own you by being more charitable, wiser and holding my tongue. I will defeat you with not only my actions and also my inaction and strength of character.
I am finished thinking about you. Good bye.