I’m 31 years old and on my third career. I still don’t know if I really like what I do or not. I still don’t know what exactly I want to do with my life. For the past 3 years, I’ve worked in consulting and professional services in one form or another. My current job is definitely more aligned with management consulting where my last was more about delivering large IT projects.
Over the past month I have spent considerable amounts of time recruiting college students, trying to convince them to come work for my team. I tell them all the benefits of working in this field. All the challenges and potential for personal growth. I promise them opportunities to travel, earn a great salary and meet interesting people.
On my way home from these recruiting sessions, I always wonder if maybe I’m blowing smoke up their asses. If maybe I’m selling empty promises.
I think that for the most part, management consultants are full of shit. Some of us are experts, some of us are really smart and add real value, but I think a lot of us simply bill hours and write fancy reports filled with tables and flow charts.
I don’t know if I like what I do for a living or not. I like some aspects of it. I like the potential to make a lot of money, I like the future prospects of tangent career paths not in consulting, and I like the job security. So I keep going. But honestly, sometimes I feel like I’m living off a steady diet of Big Macs- I’m eating this overhyped, stacked cheese burger covered in special sauce which is supposed to be delicious, but it’s really just a bunch of bread and no meat.
I worry that I’m feeding these college kids bullshit. But I’m even more worried by the fact that they seem to want it so bad. I don’t think they’ll necessarily see it as bullshit and that worries me for the future. It worries me that we’re becoming a society full of bullshitters. I also worry that some of these kids probably just see me as a tool, the ones who aren’t all in with the program.
Am I all in with the program? Am I just a tool?
I miss being a geek. I struggle to stay engaged in technology, but family and work pull me away from doing what I really enjoy all the time. I feel like I’m losing myself a bit at times.
I really don’t want to become a fucking tool. I really hate tools. I really hate liars and especially people who lie to themselves.
It might be time to start insisting I do more of what I love, both at work and home.