The Upside of Getting Divorced

Yes! There is an upside, at least in my circumstance!

Just a little over a week ago, I caught my wife seeing another man, and over the last week, she’s gone to see him two more times. The last time she went to see him, she strangely didn’t even try to hide it. She outright said she had been to see him for a lunch date and was telling him she probably wouldn’t be talking to him anymore.

The probably part is unsettling, but I have hope. We’ve spent the last two nights together in the same home and this morning, she didn’t scream at me. Baby steps I guess. I’m trying to have an upbeat perspective on this.

This morning, I came to work on a bit of a runners high. Yes, it will probably be short lived and soon I’ll be gasping for air again, but for now I’m happy looking out the window of a skyscraper in Midtown Atlanta and watching the sun rise over Stone Mountain off in the distance and it is fucking magnificent.

Sunrise in Midtown Atlanta
Sunrise in Midtown Atlanta

While I’m watching the sun rise, I’d like to share some positive notes on this whole divorce/separation process I’ve been enduring:

Reconnecting with Family: Last night my sister called me for the first time in a long time, and the day before that I talked to my aunt who I hadn’t spoken to in quite a while.

I’ve reconnected with my mother and father on a much deeper level than ever before and also formed a deeper relationship with my in-laws who have been surprisingly supportive and loving. All these connections resurfaced because I was in trouble and I needed help.

Deepening Friendships: My friendship with my best friends Atty and Josh has deepened more than I ever thought possible. Josh and Atty are complete opposites in many ways, but seemingly parrot each other when getting to the point.

These men are two of the wisest, kindest and most generous souls I have ever known, and this divorce has only proven to demonstrate that further. They have built my confidence in myself, gave me logical and sound advice and told me thing things I do not want to hear but needed to.

They force me to face reality and stay sharp while also providing an outlet to vent and let my emotions out.

A Rediscovery of Spirituality: I still do not completely understand my feelings on God, religion or anything else but I’ve accepted that I have a need for it regardless. I’d like to think my perception of religion is one part cultural and one part humility.

Many people approach spirituality from different angles. I think the important thing is to have a cornerstone in your own life- a cornerstone bigger than yourself.

Relying on people for your cornerstone is only going to let you down. A person will always let you down at some point no matter what. I need a God bigger and better than myself as my cornerstone. I don’t intend to preach or force it on others. I don’t intent to evangelize or Bible thump it into people’s heads. I just intend to hold it within myself, quietly, personally, and wholeheartedly.

Yes, I will fuck up again and yes, I will still say words like fuck from time to time. That is because I am not a religious man, I am just a man, a tiny little man floating around on a rock buzzing around in space 460 meters per second!  I’m not big or strong enough to go it alone.

A Discovery of Self Confidence: The man my wife is/was seeing is handsome, muscular and covered in tattoos. He has a six pack and no back hair. He is naturally tanned and from what I hear, endlessly charming.

For the first few days after I Facebook stalked the asshole, I spent a lot of time looking in the mirror at myself with my shirt off. Yes, I have a little definition in my chest. My arms are kind of muscular… sorta. But I don’t have guns like this guy. I don’t have an arm full of bad boy tattoos. And I also have a tendency to grow quite a bit of hair on my back if I let it go.

But then I had to shake it off and realize a few things.

I have TWO college degrees. I am 30 years old and have already started over in three careers, each one paying better than the last. Each one a new challenge building on the last. I am diverse and well read, cultured and well-traveled and I am fucking HILARIOUS!

Oh, and I’m also a bombshell in the sack. I’d go into details but this isn’t’ that kind of blog.

My point being is. Fuck that guy. I looked into him. He’s a 38 year old under achiever. I don’t say that to make myself feel better either.

Muscles are a few reps in the gym away. Anyone can get muscles. You can’t go fetch brains in the gym, and accomplishment in the workplace and classroom is a little bit harder to come by.

So there you are, the upsides of divorce! If you’re still hanging with me at this point. THANKS! I appreciate you for reading. Have an awesome day.

-Holden

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About Holden

Holden is a really groovy guy. By day a Management/IT Consultant, by night a wiper of his children's asses and regular in group fitness classes.

4 thoughts on “The Upside of Getting Divorced

  1. Who knows why some people are attracted to other people? It’s never the obvious. Case in point: how could Prince Charles, the ugliest man on the planet, who was married to Princess Diana, the most beautiful woman on the planet, pine and long for instead, Camilla, the ugliest woman on the planet? Duh?
    Be yourself. You’ll never go wrong.

  2. There’s a lot of truth in the saying that familiarity breeds contempt. When people get used to something they take it for granted. That probably is something both of you have done. You’re at one of THE hardest stages of your life, working on a career, paying a mortgage & raising young kids. It’s amazing any two people make it through that without splitting up. There’s going to be more ups & downs before you get it sorted, but if I could give you any advice, please try & get some counseling as a couple. Everyone can use a little advice on how to make it work as a couple, and the pitfalls to avoid. To be honest, if my husband and I weren’t so lazy when it comes to paperwork, we’d probably be divorced by now. And if that had happened I would never have come to realize what a great guy I have. It’s been a long road from the day we married to here. Like most couples, there were times when things were not good, and I know we both thought about what if…. My hunbun is a good man, not without faults, but I don’t know of anyone who would be as good to me as he is. I know that you two can reach the same place where you’re grateful that you stuck it out, and you’re stronger for it.

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