Halloween is a few weeks behind us and we still have a garbage bag full of candy. My kids didn’t actually collect all this candy trick-or-treating though; they got a large portion of it from my mother-in-law. For some strange reason, my mother-in-law has made it her single goal in life to bless my children with childhood obesity.
So, being the good father I am, I locked the candy up in a counter, out of sight and mind of my two little ones, and instead I find myself at least one time a week raiding the garbage bag full of candy…
Just now I completed such a raid. My wife left to go pick something up at the store and took my older daughter, the little one is fast asleep in her crib and I find myself with a little alone time. What is a guy to do? Sneak in some good “me” time with the porn box (aka, the family computer), maybe play a little Mario Bros without having to hear my four year old beg for a turn? Or possibly even enjoy an episode of my favorite TV show without interruption?
No, I went for the candy bag and ate one fun size candy bar of each variety available and pondered about which is my favorite, then wrote a blog post about it.
So, which truly IS the king of the candy bar?
Snickers might be my favorite, but only for a respite until I sink my teeth into a Milky Way or Kit Kat. I love the wonderful ménage à trois between the peanuts, caramel and nougat. It really is a candy orgy in my mouth, and orgies are great until afterward, when you feel disgusting and dirty (so I assume- never been in an orgy, just so you guys know).
When all is said and done, the Snickers really is a badass little candy bar.
The Milky Way!
Holy shit, I love Milky Way candy bars. And the Dark Special variety- fuck yeah! It’s like being asked if you would like extra pepperoni on your pizza. Hell yeah I do! These are in a close race with the Snickers for being my favorite.
The Kit Kat!
Thin wafers covered in chocolate. Need I say more? I love these damn little things, The crunchiness is what makes the Kit Kat special to me. Gooey candy bars are great, but every now and then we need a little crunch. It’s kind of like when you flip it to TBS expecting to see another great re-run of The Big Bang Theory and you get a re-run of Seinfeld or the Family Guy instead. Either way, WIN!
The Three Musketeers!
What the hell does this candy bar have in common Alexandre Dumas’s epic novel? Nothing as far as I can tell… except that they’re both AMAZING! Whoever dreamed up whipped chocolate nougat is a badass and deserving of having his crotch blessed by a hundred herpes free vaginas
The Peanut Butter M&M!
Regular M&Ms are fine, but I’ll take any of the above candy bars over them. Peanut butter M&Ms (not peanut, but peanut butter) are a different story. I take these over all other candies hands down. I wish the Easter bunny was real and he could shit little peanut butter M&Ms (or Reece’s Pieces which are equally as good). I would trap him and keep him to myself forever.
And the Victor of the Candy Bag is….
Well, there you have it folks. A rundown of all the good candy in my kid’s garbage bag of candy blessed to them by their dear grandmother. Which is my favorite? I’d say it’s a two way tie between the Snickers and peanut butter M&M, but only because they have peanut butter.
Well, this has been a rather pointless post, but fun to write, and hopefully read nonetheless. My wife will be home soon and the racket of little children in my ears not long after that. Good times.
Peace out my fellow Blogtruth readers.